The John Alien that left San Toribio of Chinche many years ago with a suitcase full of illusions, today is someone with an international air about him.

Even though he crossed the southern border more legally than the uncle of Tom Tancredo, he knows by experience that sporting the face of "made in Latin America" can generate more problems that being undocumented. Every time an official examines his "social security" card - with a microscope - he is reminded that it is not enough to "be", you have to "look like" as well.

Physically, John looks recovered. He has gained two sized in his bib overalls thanks to all the saturated fats, the artificial flavorings, the hormonal manipulations and the carbohydrates from "fast food". And he endowed himself with that little air that as a foreigner our countrymen get when in a foreign land, that is exactly what makes them more detectable by "Immigration".

As a professional, his resume had been enriched:

To the field of harvester is now added the one of sanitation plumbing technician and stopped-up sewer pipe drain cleaning engineer.

He graduated in logistics in the specialty of loading and unloading early morning delivery trucks.

He is an industrial security technician with the specialization in the third shift, plus an interior decorator, trained in shinning floors and disinfecting bathrooms.

In the field of economics, he is an expert in money drafts, remittances, and foreign money exchange.

In criminal studies he is skilled in recognizing locally handcrafted "Social Security" cards.

In psychology he is a master in race nostalgia and vernacular foods.

In transportation engineering he is an expert in all the bus, train and subway routes and connections.

In all the rest, he is almost the same. The only thing is that now he is aware that if he doesn't transfer regularly each month, his country will collapse economically.

In English he defends himself with an arsenal of words that he learned from Mr. Vice-president Chaney, and start with the letter "F".

It was not easy to interview him at his office as he works two full-time jobs on opposite sides of the city, and a part-time deal in the early morning hours.

- John, what is the worst time in the life of an immigrant?
- When the immigrant gets over the first five years of being away from home to discover that the little piece of paper where he had written down the signs to get to the "American dream" has been rewritten. From then on, it begins to look like the luck of the "sleepless American".

- Would you vote in the Presidential election?
- Elect or Eject? In theory, we should kick out all the politicians who do not keep their promises. But clearly, in reality….who then would we vote for?

- What has been the most risky job you have ever had to do?
- Those jobs that have to do with the field of "aero-space". There was a time that I washed windows on the skyscrapers in New York City.

- Were you paid well?
- Not me. The one that was well paid - for the high risk - was the subcontractor that the contractor contracted to contract me.

- Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
- From the waist up, a Republican. From the waist down, I suspect a Democrat.

- What do you think would happen to the United States if one day there were no immigrants?
- The same thing that would happen to the world, if one day there was no United States.

- What job would you like to have?
- In charge of repairing of the coatings, waxing the floors and window cleaning on the Space Station.

- How do you see the US politicians?
- I never see them, I am way too busy. The ones I see on television I see too confused, too profuse and too diffuse.

- What does John Alien miss the most about his country?
- In my country I am "John Somebody" and here I am "one alien".

- Do you follow any American football idol?
- I really can't recognize anyone because they all play with masks on.

- What is your favorite fast food?
- Since they gave an American visa to the taco, empanadas and pupusas (a typical sandwich wrap from El Salvador), I eat anything for breakfast that is filled with slices of jalapeņos or fried pork rind while I rush to catch the 5 am bus.

- Have you always worked in bib overalls?
- When I worked at the funeral parlor they disguised me in a tuxedo. I had to manage public relations in this life and the next. But in the end I discovered that the deceased never took anything with them but none of them ever left not even one "penny" in tips.

- What is the best part about being an immigrant?
- That seductive aroma that one starts to give off after ten hours of work mixed the American dream and minimum wage.

- How many dollars to you send back to your family?
- Enough to support my three old maid aunts, four second cousins, my little sister Domitila and her seven kids, plus the tithes for my little church and my contribution to the paying off of the national debt.

- How does John Alien view the war on illegal drugs?
- After thirty years of the war on illegal drugs, those in charge of the war should keep smoking so that they don't recognize that the drug trafficking there is being fueled by the consumers here.

- Have you courted any American girls?
- Yes, a veteran old maid who responded to an ad I ran in the newspaper under the title: "Latin chubby lover seeks spanglish teacher".

- Do you agree with marriage for homosexuals?
- If God had been in agreement with the homosexuals he would not have created Adam and Eve, but Adam and Steve and he would have made every closet a paradise.

- And how is your "Inglish"?
- "Espiquear", (to speak), what is called "espiquear", (speaking) I "espiqueo", speak a lot. If they don't understand me it could be because of my "British-overripe" accent.

- What is your immigrant golden dream?
- It is not until now that I realized that they had changed the color of that so-called dream. With this change to "golden", I am sure that it will accentuate the sleeplessness.

- Do you support the war in Iraq?
- My answer depends of whether or not after my deportation I will be able to get a job as the correspondent for the "Gashington Post" in my town, San Toribio of Chinche.